“Here were produced rubbishy newspapers, containing almost nothing except sport, crime, and astrology, sensational five – cent novelettes, films oozing with sex, and sentimental songs which were composed entirely by mechanical means on a special kind of kaleidoscope known as a versificator.” George Orwell

…all I ever wanted you to do is hold me…I never forgot those words you wrote to me, never forgot how I felt and how it tore me apart…a screaming wind sweeps through my hair and whispers passed my ears. I close my eyes falling to my knees, the shadow still obscures my view as I reach for the sky. Muted screams, my body closes itself. Something floating in the wind above me, caught in the branches of the tree, flapping in the wind. That sound in the distance, from so long ago, the only thing I can hear as I become what I always knew I am….Those words, I always thought they were my own. I repeated them through the darkness, down the dark hallways, the loneliness, and the expressions of ignorance. In screaming pain, my tears fall down as I picture you there. I close my eyes and split into a million pieces. I thought I was at the bottom of that well to experience what you did, to understand what was lurking inside of you. To stare into the darkness with a smile on my face. It wasn’t that easy.

…it was the sweat that told me there was a different one above me. I drank their self hatred, closing my eyes and disappearing from there. How can they just watch? The blood and my tears, the look of peace across my face, it was the only way I could continue on. I open my eyes and can only focus on the blood smeared rainbows on my purple knee highs. Why do they have to do this? There is a blood stained rainbow floating above me, caught in the branches of the tree, dripping down on them as they roar into the night. I’m sorry but you are the only one I can say this to, I’m sorry you have to experience this. Don’t be sorry

You will always experience this, just like I do, everyday I dance with the shadows…A loud whirring from above brings me back to A reality. I smile as I float away in the helicopter and there are sirens and police below, a lot of noise and a lot of roaring…I reach for the end of the rainbow, just out of reach…They never stop. I receive calls in the middle of the night, roaring from the earpiece I can’t escape it. And the shadows would never go away and he would be staring out at me from my mirror. The Colonel was trapped in the mirror, or maybe…that’s where I am. I cover it in a black cloth, but I can still feel the heat of his eyes penetrating into my heart. He walked in the shadows of my footsteps as I searched for the end of the rainbow and it was always him, right there at the end

“Power is a thing of perception. They don’t need to be able to kill you. They just need you to think they are able to kill you.” Julian Assange #wearemillions

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