“His mother’s memory tore at his heart because she had died loving him…Today there were fear, hatred, and pain, but no dignity of emotion, or deep or complex sorrows. All this he seemed to see in the large eyes of his mother and his sister, looking up at him through the green water, hundreds of fathoms down and still sinking.” George Orwell
My eyes adjust to the darkness as I touch for just a moment what I once was, the words melt in my hands into a pile of ash. Up on the hill, the man with the beard at his feet, continues writing. The flickering at the bottom of the hill below him, continues unbeknownst to him. The Movement enters the building, swept up in a wave they can no longer let go of. The building changes shape as they enter. Now there are windows and a light coming through as the man continues writing above, his words singing through the air although no one is listening. The Movement exits the building unsure where to go next as the shadows are once again floating overhead and are attaching to the planes along with the rainbows and the light exiting the buildings windows. The man continues writing faster and faster, but there is no catching up. His hand waves over a flickering candle and for the first time I can read his words, don’t forget, don’t ever forget…my mother, my sister, my eyes grow wide…”the mutability of the past” the pain, that’s why I’m here, the tweezers are in my hand…in a whisper you can take it away, you can remove the pain and I approach them as they hold my poem laughing as my heart is torn in two, laughing at the words that would define my life. The words that helped me to remember…how can we just sit by and watch, how can we sit back and watch people die, and buy things conceived with their invisible blood ossified into plastic? The words released themselves into the wind as I am carried along with it, a flash, hands reaching into my skull and I…
-What did you learn…when you filmed yourself?
-I was just doing your job for you.
-You almost never came back.
-Came back where?…
…as he looks out upon the wastes of the world, The Detective falls to his knees and scoops up water into his mouth. How could they have forgotten how to live here? There is an insecure unsafe feeling entering him. He remembers he does not know where here is. He calmly places his hand on the desert land as the pulse becomes him, and he tips his hat to the sun and continues on walking.
-I wanted to know what I was.
In the middle of the vast desert, he sees a dying dog howling up to the sun, He places his hand on her beating heart, instantly remembering why he’s here.
-And what are you?
There is a vast labyrinthine building in the distance, seemingly where the sun ends. The dog lets out another cry, and the yelping is roaring from The Detectives own mouth. And he hears the music in the background and he can see the flickering cutting through the darkness. The Detective once again places his hand upon the pulse of the Earth, as it pulses through his beating heart and the cries are no longer separate from his. The shadows float over his head, reaching down in an attempt to attach themselves. He looks up as the tears of the sun in pink orange droplets fall from his eyes…
-Love, just love man, your worst nightmare.